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    由一個昵稱引發的家園矛盾

    發布時間:2019-08-11 作者:高云利 來源:中國教育報

    離園的音樂如約響起,家長接孩子的時間到了。我像往常一樣在大門口跟孩子和家長揮手再見。突然,一個家長氣勢洶洶地拉著孩子走到我面前。還沒等我開口,他就說:“你是園長吧,你們園老師素質太差!”還沒等我回答,他又繼續說:“中(1)班老師隨便給孩子取外號,給我家孩子造成很大的心理傷害。”

    路過的家長紛紛看著他和我,我擔心聚集更多的人,影響離園安全,連忙和藹地對他說:“家長,您先別生氣、別著急,您跟我回辦公室,詳細告訴我事情的原委,我一定盡全力解決。”

    我把他帶到辦公室,為他倒上一杯水,請他和孩子坐下后,經過詢問得知,他的孩子王朋(化名)在中(1)班。老師和孩子不叫王朋大名,卻叫他“小胖”。家長三番五次告訴老師,禁止叫王朋“小胖”,可是近一個月了,老師也沒有處理好,依然有孩子稱他“小胖”。今天家長問老師怎么還不解決,老師說班級孩子多,不能立刻改正,只能慢慢改,家長不同意。

    了解事情的原委后,我對他說:“我非常理解您的心情,我們的老師年輕,解決問題能力不足。我會盡快讓孩子們改正。”

    送走家長,我馬上來到中(1)班,向老師了解情況。王老師告訴我,也不知道是誰開始叫王朋“小胖”的,老師和其他孩子也就隨之叫“小胖”了,大家覺得他長得胖乎乎、挺可愛的,根本沒有歧視的意思,只是覺得親昵才這樣叫。當家長告訴老師不要再叫“小胖”,老師就沒再叫了,也反復告訴其他孩子不要再叫了,可孩子不聽,老師既委屈也無奈。

    思考片刻,我對她說:“我們不妨試試強化正面稱呼,弱化昵稱這種辦法。明天離園時全班孩子每人叫一句王朋大名,誰叫大名老師就獎勵一張小貼畫,叫其他名字不發獎。離園的時候當著家長面把貼畫發給王朋,誰在樓道、在路上叫他大名,他就發獎,讓家長也一起監督。”

    第二天離園前15分鐘,王老師拿出一個神秘的盒子,高興地對全體小朋友說:“我有一個好朋友叫王朋,我們一起玩游戲可真快樂!如果大家誰能叫王朋的名字,然后說說你們在一起最快樂的事,我就送你們一張漂亮的貼畫。”話音剛落,孩子們紛紛舉起小手,說道:

    “王朋,我喜歡你。”

    “王朋,我最喜歡跟你玩玩具。”

    “我和王朋是好朋友。”

    ……

    孩子們一一開心地叫王朋大名了。此時,王朋爸爸也來了,王老師接著說:“剩下的貼畫交給王朋,如果路上大家跟他打招呼,他還會把禮物送給你。”

    第二天、第三天,每次詢問王老師,她都說:“這招真管事,很少再有孩子叫王朋‘小胖’了。”接下來,我們逐漸弱化了獎勵貼畫這一外部激勵手段,因為孩子已經形成共識,不再有人叫王朋“小胖”了。

    我園教師多為“90后”“00后”,他們喜歡孩子,但不了解孩子的年齡特點,不能采取科學的教育方法,導致問題的拖延。王老師已經告訴小朋友不要再叫王朋“小胖”了,從這個角度來說,她的確處理了問題,但是對于孩子,越是強化不許,反而越會加深他們的印象。只有強化正確做法,才能弱化錯誤做法。

    這件事情給了我們很大啟發,也促使我們整理出了化解家園矛盾的“四步曲”。

    第一步,積極詢問。當家長找到幼兒園需要解決問題時,作為幼兒園領導首先一定要理解家長的心情,用誠懇的態度表明我們非常重視家長的意見,會立行立改,切不可埋怨或者指責家長事多、挑剔,那樣會造成矛盾的激化。一定要鼓勵家長表達內心真實的想法。在這一階段最重要的是積極聆聽,并運用點頭、記錄、微笑等方式和動作,或者以“是”“您是這樣想的”等話語激勵家長把想說的話說出來。在這個過程中,不要輕易打斷家長,這對于消除他們的對抗情緒非常有效。

    第二步,認同感受。家長此時心情激動,或者發脾氣,或者指責老師,作為園領導,要用類似“我理解您的擔憂”“我同情您的處境”“如果我是您我也會這么想(這么做)”“我曾經有過和您一樣的感受”等話語,讓對方覺得自己是被理解的。

    第三步,用類似“您看這樣好不好”“您能告訴我,您現在最希望我做的是什么嗎”“您能不能給我一兩分鐘的時間,讓我先向您說明一下我們都做了些什么嗎”的語句與對方商量適宜的對策,這樣,對方就會覺得自己的想法受到了尊重。

    第四步,解釋和提出盡可能多的選擇方案。可以用類似“我們有三種方案,您覺得哪種更能接受”的方式來處理。領導也要馬上了解教師的想法、做法,然后給家長合情合理的解釋。如果教師確實不能處理,領導要為教師提供可行的策略,以盡快滿足家長的合理要求。

    家長工作是教師專業標準內容之一,如何做家長工作,如何讓家長理解、配合并支持幼兒園教育,是教師需要持續提升的能力。家園之間發生矛盾不可怕,最重要的是用科學、有效的方法化解矛盾。

    (作者單位:北京市延慶區永寧幼兒園)

    《中國教育報》2019年08月11日第2版 

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