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    功利是育兒大忌

    發布時間:2019-08-11 作者:權敏琴 來源:中國教育報

    進入暑假,面向兒童的各類學業和才藝培訓班開辦得如火如荼。其中,口才班、演講班、模特班、小主持人班更是成為家長熱捧的對象。由此,也讓我們關注到了一個近年來愈演愈烈的現象:兒童越來越頻繁地出現在各種電視選秀、真人挑戰及其他商業活動中。這當中的主角,不同年齡段孩子都有,但以學齡前階段兒童居多。他們站在不同的現場,面對鏡頭,接受來自商家的各種要求,和評委、專家、觀眾的全方位點評,以及這種種現象后的多重“消費”。但讓孩子面對這一切的,往往并不是孩子自己,而是他們的家長。

    其實,家長的愿望和初心當然是好的。隨著時代的發展和人才觀愈加多元,家長在孩子的教育問題上視野更開闊,目標更長遠,愈加重視因勢利導挖掘孩子的潛質和才能。因此,在傳統興趣特長學習的基礎上,諸如兒童口才班、模特班等新興才藝訓練受到家長的歡迎。

    的確,很多孩子也確實憑借自身某方面的優勢,通過各種平臺,增長了見識,開闊了眼界。但與此同時,家長在其中“功利主義”的一面,以及一些商業機構為營利不惜觸犯法律法規的問題,也日漸成為社會討論的焦點。

    前段時間,3歲的“童模”妞妞在拍攝時不配合被媽媽推搡踢踹事件引發網絡熱評。雖然事后妞妞的媽媽澄清是因為妞妞亂跑自己著急才踢了她,但這一事件仍然刺痛了大眾的神經:有多少傷害在愛的名義下進行著?

    功利育兒源于家長的心理偏差

    其實,家長之所以在育兒過程中掉入“功利主義”的陷阱,主要是出現了心理偏差。

    一是虛榮心。成人世界的競爭與博弈心態延伸到了養育孩子的過程中。家長走在一起,比孩子的學習成績、比孩子的特長優勢,甚至比孩子的長相、個頭。一旦別的孩子某方面比自己孩子強,就似乎很“丟臉”。而如果自己的孩子有哪一方面優于其他孩子,就成為家長明里暗里炫耀的資本。加之近幾年一些新生代娛樂明星的速成現象和名利雙收的效應,更催生了家長的虛榮心理。于是,有些家長似乎發現了一條成才捷徑,全力以赴對自己的孩子開展“造星運動”,凡是可以讓孩子“露臉”的事都要做。

    二是功利心。就拿“童模”行業來說,一個相對優秀、工作量密集的“童模”一個月的收入,可能遠超某些成年人一年的收入。但在家長看來,這似乎并沒有讓孩子付出什么,甚至還讓孩子得到了更多的表現機會。因此,很多家長將孩子的照片和個人信息上傳到網絡,以期得到星探的關注。在某些地區,甚至出現了家長帶著小至兩三歲、大到十幾歲的孩子穿梭于各個商家應聘“工作”的現象。年幼孩子忙碌的背后,是家長高額的經濟收入。某些兒童才藝比賽,大獎動輒幾萬元,這都成為家長熱衷帶孩子積極參與的重要原因。

    三是盲目性。望子成龍、望女成鳳、“出名要趁早”等教子觀念根深蒂固。很多家長缺乏正確的教育理念,放大孩子在一定時期內某方面的興趣和特長,盲目跟隨別人,以拔苗助長的方式對孩子開展才藝培訓,一廂情愿要讓孩子成為同齡人中的佼佼者。

    功利主義阻礙孩子健全人格形成

    家長的心理偏差,使得商業活動過早成為孩子生活的重心甚至全部,更有甚者,家長和商家聯手,形成相關產業鏈,將孩子置于其中成為某種工具,這無疑會給孩子的健康成長和未來發展埋下隱患。

    首先,過早的社會化會造成孩子自我認知的模糊,同時也會影響孩子的自我評價。兒童的自我認知意識從兩歲開始萌芽,4到5歲逐漸清晰,并且是通過與身邊環境互動逐步建立的。而自我評價對于孩子自尊心和自信心的建立至關重要。過早參與商業活動的孩子,以幼童的身心,卻長期身處成人世界,按照成人的規則,從事著成人的工作。在一些兒童秀場和選拔中,年幼的孩子說著成人的話、擺著成人的姿勢,臉上掛著成人的笑,舉手投足是和年齡不相稱的造作和成熟。這些孩子所處的環境不能提供與他們年齡特點和生活經驗相匹配的互動和交流,孩子的自我認知就無法建立。而來自評委、觀眾、商家的各種評判,又因為立場與利益的需要往往有失偏頗,甚至有些真人秀節目為了收視效果會刻意營造一些矛盾沖突,將兒童置于沖突的核心。這些對于幼小的孩子都會形成干擾,造成這些孩子以來自他方的評價來評價自我、定位自我,或驕矜自滿,或自我否定,嚴重影響孩子對自我的認知和評價。

    其次,過重的功利化會影響孩子對于周圍世界的辨識角度。在虛榮心、功利心驅使下,很多時候,家長看似為孩子創造了體驗社會的機會,而實際上卻往往“利”字當頭,有意無意把孩子的活動表現與經濟利益掛鉤。兒童的世界觀、價值觀還并未形成,在這樣的影響下,他們無形中也會將金錢和物欲作為衡量很多事情的標準。同時,孩子對于身邊人、事、物的看法,也通常會脫離生活實際,從而失去對周圍世界的辨識能力。

    再其次,過度的娛樂化會讓孩子失去正常成長的機會。游戲是兒童最基本的生活方式和學習方式,它對于兒童的成長和發展是必需的。無論是“童模”還是少兒真人秀演員,都需要長時間按照一定標準反復訓練和長時間節目拍攝。有人做過調查,很多“童模”一天要工作十多個小時,更換幾十套服裝,擺無數個姿勢。這些孩子遠離同伴遠離游戲,被迫隱藏或克制兒童特質,努力忍耐,重復著相同的工作,失去和同伴合作學習獲得認知經驗的快樂。這樣的做法違背了兒童學習發展的規律,對孩子未來發展極其不利。

    完善兒童權益保護機制刻不容緩

    在社交媒體發達的當下,在兒童成長環境更復雜的今天,完善兒童權益保護機制,給孩子一個健康、快樂的童年,應該成為全社會的責任。

    一是細化相關法律法規,盡快完善監管措施。《中華人民共和國未成年人保護法》明確規定:任何組織或者個人不得招用未滿16周歲的未成年人,國家另有規定的除外。但隨著互聯網時代電商的興起,“童模”行業以及某些兒童代言現象不可計數。那么從事這類活動的孩子,權益如何保障?有無潛在的法律風險?此類演出和節目是否應有相應的評估標準?相關單位亟待做出明確規定,并采取切實可行的措施實施監管。

    二是引導家長樹立正確的人才觀念。首先家長不能抱金錢至上的心理,以經濟收入作為自身和孩子人生成功與否的唯一標準。應引導孩子客觀認識和評價自我,建立正確的世界觀和價值觀,使孩子成為一個身心健康的人。其次要切實尊重孩子的權益,放下虛榮,看淡功利,給孩子提供符合他們身心特點的環境和教育機會,重視孩子作為獨立生命個體的成長規律和生命體驗。

    三是凈化輿論環境,堅持正確的輿論導向。相關部門應加強對兒童真人秀類節目和才藝選拔類活動宣傳導向的監管,杜絕對“童模”行業和“童星”效應的過分宣傳,淡化家長的“造星”心理和逐利思想。同時各種社交媒體也應有基本的兒童保護意識,對于涉及未成年人的相關信息不傳播、不擴散,自覺形成保護未成年人合法權益的良好網絡生態。

    相信每位家長都深愛著自己的孩子,所做的一切都是為了給孩子更好的教育和生活。但養育孩子是一個漫長的靜待花開的過程,決不能追求一時的光鮮與利益。希望更多家長能放平心態,放緩腳步,遵循規律,跟隨孩子的成長節奏,陪伴他們幸福成長。

    (作者單位:陜西省寶雞市教研室)

    《中國教育報》2019年08月11日第2版 

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