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    用積極家庭教育培養幼兒性格優勢

    發布時間:2019-07-18 作者:李兆良 王方琳 來源:中國教育報

    積極家庭教育是積極心理學在家庭教育領域中的實踐和應用,是近幾年發展起來的一種前沿家庭教育理念,在中國正呈現出強大的力量和蓬勃發展的態勢,但現實情況卻是理念飽受關注,實踐尚待落實。

    眾所周知,兒童早期積極心理的發展,尤其是性格優勢方面的良好發展,能為其今后的人生最優發展提供強有力基礎。例如,賓夕法尼亞心理韌性項目,教學生解決問題、應對困難與應付消極情感的技巧與策略,就是積極心理學在青少年發展方案設計上的有效嘗試,效果良好。

    研究發現,6歲之前接受積極心理教育的孩子,在環境適應、心理健康、自我管理、同伴關系、學習態度等方面均有較好的表現和發展。例如,在小學階段表現優秀、具有普遍型學習動機的孩子,大都在幼兒時期就已經具備信任、樂觀、希望、自主性、主動性、自控力等性格優勢。

    大量家庭教育實踐表明,積極心理教育要從小開始,能有效避免孩子在成長過程中出現情緒、行為、人際交往等方面的問題。幼兒時期自控力發展不良的孩子,在小學生活中往往更加任性、亂發脾氣、注意力不集中、不能忍耐和堅持、無法克制沖動,學業成績不良。具有感恩特質的幼兒,在學習生活中更加傾向于與人為善、樂于助人,形成健康人格,人際關系和諧。擁有積極情緒的幼兒,在小學階段更能排解憤怒,較少與人發生口角、打架或破壞課堂秩序,較少表現出攻擊性或自暴自棄的行為。

    在家庭教育中,父母應學會使用積極家庭教育的科學方法,培養孩子具有樂觀、感恩、善良、利他行為等積極心理品質。比如孩子胡鬧時,如果父母習慣性采用永久性(“你總是這樣”)、普遍性(“每次你都這樣”)的信息批評時,孩子就獲取了悲觀的解釋模式;當父母采用可變化的、特定的信息責怪時,孩子就開始習得樂觀的解釋模式。所以,當父母發現孩子有錯時,積極的家庭教育著重歸結特定、暫時性的原因,避免責怪孩子的個性或能力,從而使其從小習得樂觀這一積極心理品質。

    有個經典的案例:媽媽帶著10歲的姐姐和3歲的弟弟去動物園,從上車開始,姐姐就不停地捉弄弟弟,說爸爸是她一個人的,弟弟真正的爸爸是只猩猩,一會兒動物園的獅子會咬掉他的頭……姐姐很少這樣搗蛋,媽媽心里很不高興地批評她說:“你真是煩死了。你為什么總是這樣頑皮?本來打算我們三個人出來好好玩的,你卻來搗蛋破壞。反正每一次,你都要搞一些把戲,弄得大家都不高興。”

    媽媽把姐姐稱為頑皮小孩,將其個性一筆抹殺,指責她總是破壞媽媽的計劃(永久性及不能改變的)。姐姐得到的信息是:“我是個很壞的人,媽媽希望我不是她的孩子,我總是搞壞她所做的事。”這樣的批評是有害的,讓姐姐覺得自己沒有價值,唯一能夠做的就是很情緒化地退出。

    很顯然,姐姐的行為需要被批評和懲罰,媽媽要她對自己的行為負責并加以改正,可以這樣批評:“你不準再捉弄弟弟了。你今天是怎么了?你一向都是個好姐姐,你教弟弟玩游戲,與他分享玩具,可是今天你對他一點兒都不友好。動物園對于小寶寶來說可能是個可怕的地方,你這樣嚇他對他沒有一點好處,你知道我是不喜歡這種行為的。我要你向弟弟道歉,如果你今天再捉弄他,晚飯后就不準到外面去玩,知道了沒有?”

    媽媽指出特定與暫時的行為問題(今天捉弄),同時指出這種行為不是姐姐一向就有的(很好的姐姐),用“你教弟弟玩游戲”“與他分享玩具”等實際的例子來指出問題并非普遍性,告訴她必須做的特定的事(向弟弟道歉),以及如果再繼續捉弄會有怎樣的后果(晚飯后,不準到外面去玩)。

    姐姐得到的信息是:媽媽覺得我通常是個好姐姐,可是她覺得今天我對弟弟很不好,我可以向弟弟道歉,那么媽媽和弟弟都會很高興。媽媽的批評顯然是特定情境下而且是可變的,指引姐姐邁向正確行為,而沒有指責她的個性,這種批評才是有效的。

    孩子最初的樂觀或悲觀的解釋風格是在兒童時期逐漸形成的,大多是從聆聽父母如何批評他學到的。父母要充分認識到幼兒積極家庭教育的重要性,學習幼兒積極家庭教育的知識,掌握幼兒積極家庭教育的方法,建設幼兒積極家庭教育的環境,逐漸成為積極家庭教育的學習者、實踐者、推廣者和受益者,使積極家庭教育真正成為助力幼兒健康、快樂、幸福成長的福祉。

    (作者李兆良系吉林大學心理學系教授、國務院兒童家庭教育工作智庫專家;王方琳系吉林大學應用心理學碩士研究生)

    《中國教育報》2019年07月18日第7版 

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