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    孩子沉迷網絡游戲怎么辦?

    發布時間:2019-07-11 作者:本報記者 楊詠梅 來源:中國教育報

    暑假開始,孩子們開始放松,很多父母卻開始發愁了,因為有一樣東西勾著孩子們的魂兒、揪著家長的心,這個東西就是手機,就是網絡游戲。家長提到孩子玩網絡游戲幾乎沒有不皺眉頭的,但在游戲設計者對玩家心理的精準把握面前,家長的監督和阻斷幾乎完全沒有抵抗力,收獲到的往往是無奈、無力和挫敗感。

    6月28日,中國教育報家庭公開課“今天,我們怎樣做父母”邀請兩位嘉賓做客直播間,一位是中國青少年研究中心少年兒童研究所所長孫宏艷,一位是高中時沉迷網絡差點輟學的“問題少年”、今天專門幫助沉迷游戲少年的“和潤萬青”青少年成長首席導師賈語凡。通過調查數據和真實經歷,兩位嘉賓解讀游戲沉迷的本質、破解“網絡游戲沉迷”的癥結,提出在家庭教育中實現與網絡游戲和解共贏的路徑。

        走出誤區:

        是合理需求,不是玩物喪志

    哪個年齡段是孩子接觸網絡游戲的高峰時期?類似“國家應盡快立法禁止16歲以下孩子使用智能手機”的建議可行嗎?孫宏艷引用中國青少年研究中心發布的《中小學生網絡游戲的認知、態度、行為研究報告》指出,76.3%的學生從小學就開始接觸網絡游戲,超過九成學生認為網絡游戲使業余時間更愉快,近七成認為網絡游戲帶來幸福生活的能量。“青少年觸網低齡化是不容回避的現實,這是網絡時代原住民成長環境的特點,用禁止的方式讓孩子完全脫離網絡游戲,顯然不可行。”

    網絡游戲是洪水猛獸嗎?家長對網絡游戲為何充滿負面感受?孫宏艷認為,根源就在于家長對兒童的游戲權缺乏認知,大多數家長不了解聯合國《兒童權利公約》,不知道“兒童享有休閑、娛樂和玩耍的權利”。所以調查顯示,給孩子推薦游戲的家長不到1%。“事實上,家長支持上網的家庭,孩子有網癮比例的達1.7%,不支持的反而達到9.9%,放任不管的達到11.7%。”可見,家長要改變自己對游戲的功利化態度。

    回憶起自己作為網絡少年時玩游戲的感受,賈語凡說:“特別爽!現實生活中,父母這也要干涉、那也要限制,在游戲中,我是真正的主人。”

    孫宏艷也指出,今天孩子們的虛擬社交和真實社交已悄然發生變化。“很多孩子會把網絡游戲作為跟同伴溝通的語言,組隊一塊上網玩,買裝備、比等級、打團戰等,通過游戲產生話題、交朋友。”

    “我當時最煩父母說兩句話,一句是‘你要是拿出玩游戲的勁頭學習就好了’,一句是‘你只要好好學習就行了,別的都不用管’。”賈語凡認為,太多父母都希望孩子的業余時間只用在讀書學習上,把游戲當成了學習的敵人,甚至有的父母把學習成績當作允許孩子玩游戲的籌碼,“不但不可能禁止孩子玩游戲,反而招致孩子反感”。

    孫宏艷曾做過中美日韓4國高中生的比較研究,發現中國孩子的學習時間最長、學習壓力最大,中國家長最不愛表揚孩子、孩子取得進步時最少露出笑臉。“網絡就像空氣一樣浸透到孩子生活的方方面面,做作業、同伴交往等都離不開網絡。玩游戲不是原罪,問題的關鍵是孩子的閑暇活動太單調、沒有時間玩、不會玩,所以才會把網絡當作玩具而不是工具。”

        廓清本質:

        滿足了孩子無法實現的價值需求

    哪些孩子容易沉迷網絡游戲?沉迷網絡游戲的本質是什么?有資深游戲設計者直言不諱,商業化的網絡游戲,設計目的就是為了讓玩家沉迷。游戲設計者比父母更懂得抓住青少年的內心需求,很多玩法和設計都源于生活,甚至比現實更清晰、更容易實現。這些現實和需求的缺失,給了孩子沉迷網絡最好的理由。

    中國青少年研究中心的調查顯示,4類家庭的孩子容易用網過度,即親子活動少的家庭、父母抗拒網絡的家庭、教育粗暴的家庭、父教缺位的家庭。孫宏艷分析說,這4類家庭的共性是采取了忽視型、專制型的教養模式,導致父母與孩子親密度降低,父母看不見孩子的需求,孩子又認為父母不理解自己,“父母越冷漠、越嚴控,越容易導致孩子沉迷網絡”。

    “游戲滿足了孩子內心深處最渴望的社交需求。”說起自己當初沉迷網絡的痛苦經歷,賈語凡說,父母經常吵架造成了自己的“逃離”心態,家庭如戰場,年幼的自己感受不到愛和親情,痛苦無處釋放,沒有動力、沒有目標。“結果就是逃到游戲中去,越沉迷越開心,在游戲中逃避現實的空虛。”

    孩子容易用網過度的,還有專制型家庭。孫宏艷指出,專制分兩種:一種是強調孩子都得聽我的,批評多過表揚;一種是給孩子提供各種離不開家長的條件,試圖讓孩子覺得離不開他。“這種控制越嚴,越讓孩子產生現實中的挫敗感,繼而轉投網絡世界去尋找自我的成長。”

    同齡人中哪些孩子基本不會沉迷網絡呢?賈語凡總結這些孩子的共同特點是:在現實生活中很自信,社交好,和父母的溝通也好,“當真實的社交樂趣遠遠大于網絡虛擬中的樂趣時,當孩子在現實生活中的價值需求被看到、被接納、被肯定、被滿足時,游戲的吸引力才會慢慢淡化,甚至被更有意義的事情取而代之”。

    作為專業的家庭教育工作者,現在賈語凡幫助孩子走出網絡沉迷的方法,就是引導家長在現實生活中改善親子關系、重建家庭的天倫之樂,“這是孩子自己主動從網絡世界走出來的最大動力”。

        破解有方:

        改善教養方式和有效監督相結合

    正如《中小學生網絡游戲的認知、態度、行為研究報告》的分析,中小學生對網絡游戲大多持積極的看法,這意味著成年人需要用一種接納的心態來看待網絡游戲。就像賈語凡的體驗,由于父母對網絡游戲認知的誤區,“即使讓我玩,他們的態度也讓我不舒服,結果我玩也沒玩好、時間也耽誤了”。

    中小學生一年大約有170天的閑暇時間,如何讓孩子的休閑生活有意義,讓他們課余時間玩得有意思、有意義,除了不功利化地安排孩子的休閑活動,孫宏艷還特別強調要處理好夫妻關系。“夫妻關系大于親子關系,直接影響親子關系。夫妻關系處不好,不僅在孩子玩網絡游戲的問題上,在任何家庭教育情境中都會力量互相抵消、互相抗衡。如果夫妻關系是可以協商的、和諧的,能共同營造互相關愛的家庭環境,孩子才會覺得生活在家庭里很溫暖,有什么問題就會主動跟家長說。”

    中國青少年研究中心的調查發現,盡管“父母對孩子的規定、監督、限制遠遠高于對孩子的支持,但學習好的學生在玩網絡游戲方面能獲得更多的支持”。對此,孫宏艷提醒說,家長不要把成績好壞當作保障孩子最基本娛樂權利的標準,“唯成績論并不能改善親子關系,不能把孩子和游戲隔開,主動去發現孩子興趣點并積極引導,才是更智慧的做法”。賈語凡坦言,自己走出游戲沉迷是因為家庭環境開始改變,父母不再只盯著成績而開始重視他的感受,讓他產生了對美好生活的追求,“這是最重要的轉折點”。

    豐富多彩的家庭親子活動有利于建立良好親子關系。孫宏艷認為,平時的閱讀、運動,閑暇時去電影院、博物館游玩或者去餐廳享受美食,在家里一起打掃衛生、做頓飯,節假日一起外出旅游……這些經歷都能帶給孩子愉悅感、美感、成就感、冒險感和刺激感,“孩子在現實中得到真切的滿足后,就不會去尋找網絡上那種虛擬的快樂了”。

    暑假里也許有很多孩子獨自在家,12歲以下的孩子單獨待在可以隨意上網的環境有什么風險?賈語凡表示,未成年人的三觀還在形成中,很容易受到網上不良信息的影響,“父母就好像孩子的免疫系統,免疫系統如果遭到破壞,危害就會侵入,最終造成破壞”。孫宏艷強調說,暑假是孩子陷入網癮的高危時段,家長要提前安排好豐富的暑假生活,或者給孩子找幾個玩伴,或者四老家換一下生活環境,尤其不要把孩子關在家里。

    接觸電子產品既然不可避免,兩位嘉賓建議家長要給孩子從小就養成好習慣,每天可以玩多長時間,什么條件可以玩,一開始就要從起點上給孩子立好規矩,幫助孩子培養拿得起、放得下的自律意識。

    《中國教育報》2019年07月11日第7版 

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