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    家校合作中要有兒童的聲音

    ——第三屆新家庭教育文化節觀察

    發布時間:2019-06-13 作者:本報記者 楊詠梅 來源:中國教育報

    “人間最美四月天,岳麓喜迎八方賢。家校共育千般計,童年安好萬家歡。”在4月底于長沙舉辦的第三屆新家庭教育文化節上,中國青少年研究中心家庭教育首席專家孫云曉用這首小詩闡釋文化節“家校社共育 成就幸福童年”的主題。文化節由新家庭教育研究院與湖南省教育廳、首都師范大學等單位聯合主辦。

    家庭教育常識應當成為共識

    “目前普遍存在的教育焦慮,和家庭教育素養有很大關系,很多常識性的東西,沒有成為父母的共識。比如說人生最重要的事情不是好工作、好收入而是幸福,這是一個常識。總書記講的對美好生活的向往,向往是什么?第一就是幸福,人生有什么還比幸福更重要嗎?”全國政協常務委員兼副秘書長、中國教育學會家庭教育專業委員會理事長朱永新此話一出,會場響起熱烈掌聲。

    朱永新指出,由于缺乏這樣的基本常識,不少家長讓孩子活得很苦很累,還美其名曰:現在辛苦未來才能幸福。“沒有幸福的童年哪來幸福的人生?成人的問題幾乎都可以從童年生活中去找到源頭。”為此,朱永新倡議學校和家庭都過一種幸福完整的教育生活,“把幸福兩個字高高地寫在學校旗幟上”。

    還有一個被忽略的常識是“孩子更愿意跟人玩”。《父母必讀》雜志主編惲梅分享一個有關玩耍的調查發現,80%的家長認為玩耍能促進孩子的創造力和想象力,89%的孩子愿意跟朋友玩、跟父母玩,但45%的父母反映沒有足夠時間陪孩子玩,不知道如何高質量地陪伴孩子。

    “沒有愛就沒有教育,沒有興趣就沒有學習。”這是女子國際象棋世界冠軍、首都體育學院副校長謝軍從導師顧明遠那里得到的常識。在介紹國際象棋這一“智力的體操,人類智慧的試金石”對孩子記憶力、創造力、忍耐力等的促進作用時,謝軍強調“最高級的教育就是寓教于樂”“重要的是讓孩子從自己感興趣的事情中學到能力,形成觸類旁通的能力,今后在各種復雜的學習和真實的社會生活中,就能根據需要變成不同的能力”。

    湖南教育出版社黃步高社長堅持的常識是,孩子的成長有快樂也有痛苦,被老師批評而流淚、鍛煉身體受點兒小傷、與同學交往有點兒小摩擦,都是孩子成長必須經歷的過程。“家長千萬不要對老師求全責備,每經歷一場傷痛,孩子就向心智成熟邁出一步,不經歷風雨的孩子,長大后飛不出屋檐,扛不起重任。”

    面對成長中遇到問題的孩子,是盡快讓孩子離開學校,還是家校合力幫助孩子重新站起來?長沙市青竹湖湘一外國語學校武建謀校長選擇了后者。他自己就是靠母親的溫柔呵護走出童年的自卑,因此堅信老師和家長的態度會決定孩子的發展方向。“我母親從來沒有對我講過一句重話、粗話,總能從我身上找出一些優點來表揚我。這份‘不含誘惑的深情’讓我的心靈有了一個家。”

    “幸福是一種感覺,家里有愛就很幸福,教育要追根溯源,要回到童年和家庭的源頭”,是73歲的著名童書畫家蔡皋從外婆和父母的愛里總結出來的常識;“家庭教育是孩子學習怎么當孩子,父母學習怎么當父母,父母和孩子在一起學習怎么樣一起合作”,是“超級育兒師”蘭海在實踐中不斷印證的常識。

    時代在變,家庭教育需求也在變,嘉賓們從各自角度分享的這些“不變”的常識,價值正如湖南省教育廳副廳長王玉清所說,“要共同探索新形勢下家庭教育發展規律,促進家長把好教育關、質量關和人才關,幫助家長提高履行家庭教育的能力”。

    家校合作應成為原則而不是選擇

    被譽為“長沙好外婆”的蔡皋,鶴發童顏,高度認同朱永新對幸福觀的解讀:“這是我心里呼喚已久的,幸福讓我想到了外婆講的民間故事,想到了外婆做的飯菜和外婆精致的發髻上茉莉花的清香。”

    老人家還情不自禁地哼起了聽媽媽唱的第一首搖籃曲,“像紡織車的聲音,聲音慢慢小下去、小下去,跟一根線一樣,仿佛去到了時間的深處”。“在搖籃曲里安然入睡的嬰兒有絕對的安全感。世道安穩,在媽媽那里演繹成了搖籃曲的安穩。”哼唱中,蔡皋幸福地確認,“在我的童年,外婆、爸爸、媽媽給我播下的都是幸福的種子。”

    給童年播下幸福的種子,是家庭和學校的共同責任。孫云曉再次強調家校合作應成為家庭教育的原則而不是選擇、兒童友好應成為家校協同育人的根本原則。

    “家校合作是繞不過去的坎兒,民辦教育要做到學生滿意,還要讓家長信任,就從家校合作開始,做好家庭教育的專業引領和真誠服務。”杭州市崇文實驗學校總校長俞國娣,在一年級新生第一次家長會上就把自己的手機號、微信號等所有聯系方式公布給家長,告訴家長有任何事情都可以找她。

    秉持“我們的孩子我們共同來教育”的理念,俞國娣對家校合作的責任與邊界有很清晰的認識:“我們規定家長不準在學生作業本上簽名,告訴孩子可以拒絕家長給自己檢查作業,因為這是他的責任、他的自留地。”俞國娣鼓勵家長跟孩子一起探討問題,“但不要強制孩子參加培訓班,希望給孩子很多空間,讓孩子自主成長”。

    “被迫處于996工作模式的新生代父母,存在高學歷、高投入、高需求的‘三高’現象,要為他們賦能,緩解他們的育兒焦慮。”惲梅用調研數據分析了新生代父母需要的養育支持體系,指出新生代父母需要被理解、被尊重,需要社會從觀念上、技能上提供實質幫助。

    在當了34年教師、30年校長的俞國娣看來,為家長賦能,就是維護良好的家校關系,引導家長信任老師,“讓家長在新型的家校關系中成為我們的新同事”。俞國娣的法寶是堅持全員家訪:對所有學生家訪,所有老師都參與家訪,“有面對面交流的溫度,教師才能看到學生真實的家庭生活環境”。

    首都師范大學羅爽副教授注意到目前家校合作進入了“三獨”時代,即學生、家長和教師多為獨生子女,個性都非常鮮明,家校之間的摩擦比以前增多。“必須要秉持正確的理念,掌握恰當的方法去直面家校矛盾。重在預防,貴在溝通;依規處理,巧借外力,善用媒體,轉危為安,促進合力,共助成長。”

    兒童既是教育對象也是教育主體

    育兒要“有大格局,做小事情”,武建謀提到兩個讓他感動的學生,一個在中考臨近的時候,寧可缺席自己最需要補短的英語輔導課,也不缺席好朋友出國前的告別聚會,把情誼放在功課前面;一個是體育中考時逆向跑回來陪著同學跑的男孩,自己丟了滿分,卻幫助比較胖的同學達到及格。“這一段只有幾十米的折返跑,折射的是這個孩子的格局,他現在會把愛和溫暖帶給身邊的同伴,將來會走向更廣闊的社會、服務于大眾,這就是大格局。”

    武建謀建議家長要給孩子自我成長的空間,要用家國情懷打開孩子的成長格局。武建謀講的故事引起了俞國娣的共鳴:“孩子不是家長的,也不是老師私有的,孩子是獨立的一個主體,他有自己的成長需求,有自己的成長權利,是一個活生生的生命體。”

    在杭州市崇文實驗學校,課堂是開放的,家長隨時可以來聽課、來跟孩子一起吃午餐。“校園開放日,我們請孩子帶著自己的爸爸媽媽參觀校園,孩子在實驗室做過什么實驗,在圖書館讀過什么書,都可以跟家長說。孩子對校園越熟悉,跟家長匯報時想說的話越多,就會越珍惜學校的環境。”

    蘭海認為父母和孩子的合作需要相互尊重,尊重孩子不同年齡階段的能力特征、心理需求和發展需要,尊重界限。比如孩子一歲以后父母還要堅持喂飯,就是破壞了界限感,讓孩子產生“我做得不好、我沒有本事”的內心感受,慢慢地形成一種無力感。

    “生命的初始要給孩子最好的東西,要用美好的聲音和藝術滋潤孩子最初的審美意識,培養最初的健康審美趣味。”蔡皋說,“人生就像一個藝術品,你不好好地設計你孩子的人生,別人就來幫你設計,把孩子設計成你不想要的樣子。”

    “我們讓孩子評優秀父母,表彰頒獎詞由孩子寫、孩子朗讀。”俞國娣說,“有一次頒獎和市長給杭州市十大杰出企業家頒獎的時間正好重疊了,有位家長兩邊都要領獎,后來他放棄了被市長接見來接受孩子頒的獎。可見在家長心中,成為被孩子認可的好父母才是至高無上的榮譽。”

    《中國教育報》2019年06月13日第9版 

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