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    熱愛的理由

    發布時間:2019-07-25 作者:李昊 來源:中國教育新聞網-《神州學人》雜志

    當我去日本開會,并轉道回國的時候,我見了很多人。很多朋友語重心長地勸說,最好不要回國,留在美國,為了自己和后代。

    其實回國也好,留美也罷,在那個時候都還是遙遠的事情,仿佛可以不管,然而這個抉擇總有一天需要面對。回國的真正原因,是因為我的血液里早已烙下了中華的印記,還有這些年積累的愛國情懷。

    選擇回國,少不了受我父親的影響。我和父親會經常促膝長談。父親希望他的兒子能按他的想法走下去。但是在成長的過程中,我的經歷卻一次又一次和他的想法發生沖突。但是不論如何沖突,他始終能感覺到欣慰,因為我和他畢竟仍然在一個道德體系之下——什么是對,什么是錯,什么值得珍惜,什么值得放棄。雖然不盡相同,但大體是一致的。他現在已經老了,不能再像年輕的時候那樣憧憬未來。但是他能感覺到一種欣慰在他的心頭蕩漾。因為,有兒子在走他想走而不能走的路,去實現他已經無法再實現的夢想。

    選擇回國,我也想過兒女們的未來。如果留在美國,兒女們會在另一種文化體系中長大。我曾經珍惜過的東西,他們不屑一顧。而他們珍惜的東西,我認為不足珍貴。我為之奮斗、流汗,為之忍受孤獨和壓力的東西,他們能輕而易舉地獲得。他們努力的東西,我不懂,更無從分享其中的酸甜苦辣。

    p28.jpg

    選擇回國,也是因為我常常親歷身邊朋友的無奈甚至悲哀。我的師兄在離開學校后,去了美國得州巴斯夫公司。短短一年時間,更新了座駕,買了別墅。在匆匆忙忙的奮斗過程中,他的兒子一天天長大,越發地美國化,也越發陌生。兒子談論的東西,連在美國混了十多年的師兄也不懂。某一天,還在上幼兒園的兒子回來直呼他的名字,他在極度氣憤之余,居然一時間沒有想出教訓兒子的理由——好像在美國沒有任何法律規定晚輩不能直呼父母的名字。這未嘗不是一種悲哀。

    當然,理想沒有貴賤,文化的種類也沒有貴賤。我不會一廂情愿地認為,范蠡和西施的愛情故事比海倫和帕里斯的故事更動人;也不會認為為了清華、北大而奮斗就比為了哈佛、耶魯而奮斗更高尚;我不會由于受過孔子的熏陶而譏笑美國人信奉的耶穌;我同樣也不會由于熱愛川菜、湘菜而否定法國龍蝦和日本生魚片的美味。但是,我堅持自己愛的東西——因為我生長在這個國度。我從小就是聽蘇武、霍去病的故事,吃著水煮魚長大的。

    選擇回國,也基于自己對幸福的理解。我也和很多年輕的留學生一樣,經常在停車場徘徊。看到保時捷,我也經常會遐想,如果我能坐進去,是不是會有“怎么瞅怎么帥”的效果。在許多個深夜,無聊的時候,也經常打開寶馬的官網,看看它們的價格,設想一下如果年薪多少萬,幾年能買上一輛寶馬。但是就算奮斗個10年20年,擁有了寶馬、保時捷、大別墅,那又能怎么樣呢?

    在我看來,幸福的定義,就是能和自己愛的人一起回顧自己過去的點點滴滴,回顧少年時的懵懂,展望我們共同的未來。

    幸福的定義,就是在三四十歲的時候,早上被淘氣的兒女吵醒,吵著要我給他講述趙氏孤兒的故事、二桃殺三士的故事。父子倆永遠有說不完的話,或許某一天他會提出他眼中的令狐沖和我所說的不是一個樣子,但是我從來不用花10分鐘去費力地解釋,什么叫“說曹操,曹操到”。

    幸福的定義,就是看著兒女們一天天長大,他們越來越像當年的自己,一樣的傻氣,一樣的懵懂,遇到類似當年的我曾經歷的事業和感情問題。身為過來人,我能分享自己經歷的挫折、壓力、激情,告訴他們,父親當年的酸甜苦辣、留下過的遺憾,希望他們能夠珍惜和感恩。

    幸福的定義,就是有自己愛的人陪自己慢慢變老,然后再靜靜地看著自己生命的延續,繼續奮斗,延續自己的激情。

    p29.jpg

    這些就是回國的理由,這些也是熱愛的源泉。

    或許有一天,這些信念會由于現實被擊得粉碎。我們會因為國內的房價而不得不繼續著游子的悲歌,會由于國外優厚的科研條件放慢歸來的腳步,會對國內各式各樣的社會問題忍不住吐槽抱怨,但是,這一切都不會減少我們的愛。不是由于她比別的地方更優越,僅僅由于她是生我養我的熱土。

    時間不會比熱愛更長久!

    作者簡介:“國家優秀自費留學生獎學金”獲得者。2013年獲美國西北大學博士學位,后在得州大學奧斯汀分校作博士后研究。現為浙江大學化學系特聘研究員、博士生導師。

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